A Sweet Gesture After Lockdown

My story begins in a classroom, just after students had finally come back in person from COVID lockdown. In college, I decided to keep celebrating Valentine’s Day despite recently discovering I was aromantic. How would I celebrate it? With candy, of course. As soon as classes were back in person after COVID, I bought a pile of Fun Dip and got to work. Each packet conveniently had a “To:” and “From:” printed on it, so I looked up the names of my classmates on Canvas and carefully wrote them out on the labels. Fun Dip happens to be one of my favorite candies, so I figured any extras would certainly not go to waste, much to the horror of my dentist.

In retrospect, it was a pretty bold move, calling out names and handing out candy right before class began. But maybe that is part of why I feel so comfortable standing in front of students now when I teach. Still, I digress.

Even after labeling all the packets with names, I had a few left over. On those, I simply wrote “To: You!” just in case I ran into someone else who might want one. By the end of the evening, while waiting for class to start on the highest floor of one of the campus buildings, I decided to give the rest away rather than carry them home. I walked the halls, passing open office doors and peeking my head in, offering candy to anyone who said yes and wishing them a happy Valentine’s Day.

One of those offices welcomed me inside and even offered me a seat. The welcoming presence was Monica’s, and of course I said yes. She complimented my outfit, a gesture that landed more heavily than she probably realized. I had only recently refreshed my closet with more feminine pieces and was still adjusting to both the change and the attention that came with it.

We kept chatting until I had to leave for the class I had been waiting for. Since I often spent that gap between classes in the same building, her casual invitation to stop by anytime was taken seriously. I did stop by, usually once or twice a week unless I was running late. And by now you may have guessed, yes, she is one of my readers. Hi Monica!

Over time, we inevitably got to know each other quite well. Monica has many bunnies, so I would see bunnies and immediately think of her. At one point, I even 3D printed a small bunny and brought it to her as a gift.

Her welcoming presence has been consistent. I often bring friends, and even my mother, to her office to meet her. I introduce them, though I have usually already talked about them to her quite a bit beforehand.

I could talk about her for ages. I still visit when I can, and sometimes we simply pass each other on campus. A spontaneous chat or a friendly hug can reset us both after long days. We can also sit in her office and work quietly in parallel, each focused on our own tasks, the shared presence making the stress feel lighter.

As you can probably tell, my aro ace approach to Valentine’s Day, and to friendships in general, is a little different. From my experience, I am well positioned to treat friendships with the same seriousness and devotion that many reserve for romantic relationships. My lack of sexual or romantic attraction is not a loss. If anything, it has given me a particular clarity about how much effort and intention I want to pour into companionship.

Even friends I have not spoken to in a long time, hello to those readers too, are still very much part of my world. Writing these pieces is another way I try to maintain connection. Many of my longest friendships survive long stretches of distance. We might meet rarely, but when we do, it feels as though no time has passed. We pick up right where we left off, untouched by the gaps between.

I know I have shared a cheerful story and a hopeful reflection. I also want to acknowledge that not everyone experiences this holiday in the same way. This is my history and my perspective. That does not mean everything is always perfect for me either.

When I want to feel emotions, I can still put on “Somebody That I Used to Know” and cry. More specifically, I mean “Somepony That I Used to Know,” the Mordetwi cover by Makaryo on YouTube. Mordetwi is the ship name for Mordecai from Regular Show and Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. By “ship,” I mean when fans imagine characters in a relationship, even if the original shows never placed them in the same universe.

And here is where I let the paper spiral. Big emotions up ahead!