Yearning vs. Attraction

Despite how heartwarming that classroom moment was, it also stirred up some deeper feelings in me, feelings of yearning that I’ve struggled to articulate. I realized I yearn for connections like these deeply, even if I don’t experience romantic or sexual attraction in the typical way. Yearning, for me, is like an longing for closeness and care.

This is where I differ from what you might call the “standard script” of romance, and it even sets me apart from certain frustrated subsets of people on the internet. For instance, consider so-called incels (involuntary celibates): they experience sexual and/or romantic attraction and feel deprived or entitled when it’s not returned, often letting that turn into bitterness. My situation is almost the mirror image. I don’t feel attraction in the usual sense, so I’m not pining after any specific person, and I’m certainly not resentful… But I do feel this abstract longing for an emotional scenario, a kind of cozy companionship that I can picture in theory. I yearn for the idea of someone caring about me and vice versa, even though I don’t actually want to pursue a traditional romantic relationship to fulfill it. It’s a strange place to be: having “big feelings” with no straightforward outlet or target.

That tension between fantasy and reality, between what I enjoy in my head and what I’d actually enjoy in practice, is a recurring theme in my life. I sometimes fear that because of my “aro-ace” nature (aromantic & asexual), I’m primed against traditional relationships… or maybe the unfortunate part is that relationships are assumed to progress in only one traditional way. Society expects a trajectory: meet someone, date, express love, move in, marry, etc. Meanwhile, I’m someone who could be content exchanging plushies and heartfelt notes once a year without ever crossing into dating. By conventional standards, that sounds odd, even sad… but for me it’s actually comfortable. Devotion and mutual care don’t have to follow the usual romantic script.

Let’s circle back to what I said about the parody music video by a creator named Makaryo titled “MORDETWI – Somepony That I Used to Know.” These two characters are from completely different universes with no shared canon, which makes the crossover “ship” purely a fan-made crackship.

Looking back, I think what captivated me about the Mordetwi phenomenon was how fans took two characters from wildly different contexts and forced a connection through sheer creativity and humor. And at its core, it was about romance, or at least spoofing romance, which is something I usually only experience vicariously. I was getting a safe, silly dose of romantic drama through a cartoon mashup, all while not actually desiring any romance in my own life. And that felt… kind of perfect for me.