Meaning & Purpose

Almost everyone wants to feel their life has meaning, that they’re contributing to something important. Radical groups often offer an off-the-shelf grand purpose. Join the jihad and you’re fighting a holy war to purify the world; join this revolutionary party and you’re part of a historic struggle for justice; become a Boy Throb fan and your mission is to help a friend reunite and see a dream through. Ok, the last one wasn’t a radical group. But, these causes will energize people. Research on extremism notes that members often experience newfound feelings of empowerment, efficacy, and sense of purpose once they’ve fused with the group. Purpose is a powerful drug. It can erase ennui, depression, and uncertainty. I have rarely walked the path of ready-made purpose; I’ve consistently turned away from political conversations, engaged in fandoms in my own ways, and chose my path differently than my two older brothers. But my need for meaning is just as strong. So what do I do? I craft meaning in highly personal ways. I pour myself into deep intellectual and creative projects that give me a sense of mission. In the absence of people telling me what my purpose is, I’ve had to declare my own. For instance, I once spent months writing a long, introspective “research memoir” about human sexuality. It became a mission of understanding, a quest that pulled me out of bed eagerly each morning. No one gave me this mission; it was entirely self-directed, but it provided a similar sense of contribution: I was creating something that might help or enlighten others. Even this very essay, in a way, is me finding purpose by sharing a perspective I think might matter. The difference is, I choose these purposes freely and can drop them if they cease to resonate. A radicalized person often feels they can’t quit; their purpose is tied to the group’s survival or a prophecy’s fulfillment. My purposes are tied to my evolving interests and values. And admittedly, sometimes I envy the clarity my radical counterparts get: it must be nice to have a 100% certainty that “This is the cause I must serve.” I’ve never had that handed to me; I live in a haze of self-chosen meanings, always questioning. But I prefer self-directed meaning over an imposed one, even if it’s fuzzier. One of the reasons I was so captivated by Boy Throb’s saga was because it illustrated how powerful a narrative purpose can be. Their mission (however tongue-in-cheek on the surface) galvanized not only themselves but thousands of strangers; it created instant meaning in those people’s daily scrolling: “Today I’m going to help these dudes bring their friend home.” That’s beautiful, even if done in a lighthearted way. It reminded me that humans can make almost anything meaningful with the right story. I do the same, just on a very individual scale; I make meaning out of personal stories rather than collective ones.