Consent as an Ongoing Conversation
Kissing is an avoid boundary in all of the ways I can think about: discussion, joking about kissing me, roleplay actions, images, all of the above. I don’t look at it. I’ll look away if it’s in front of me. If I’m approached, I will distance myself. If anyone does it in the not-asking way, it’s not romantic like the movies; it’s just sexual assault. Get consent first, people.
@katsumi_maki
Words
Content boundaries
- SA/harassment
- Kissing
- Assumed consent; no confirmation
When it comes to “assumed consent; no confirmation,” the situations I have actually experienced are too personal to share. Or, perhaps, I shared a few of them in my "Healing From Trauma" paper. Assumed consent without confirmation is just a general declaration for others to not assume consent broadly, but I also don’t like media that doesn’t depict characters having consensual dialog beforehand. Consent is sexy. Getting consent is one of the most wonderful things, and media that skips it is idolizing rape culture. Rape culture is one that includes victim blaming, slut-shaming, sexual objectification, trivialization of rape, denial of widespread rape, refusal to acknowledge the harm caused by sexual violence, or some combination of these. Instead, teach people boundary setting, or show good examples of consent dialog in media. It’s not so hard and leads to informed individuals as they enter society.
A respectful alternative is the new-age concept of talking about consent verbally and beforehand, as well as keeping consent as a continuing conversation rather than a one-time contract. I personally love that new-age dialog is more and more representative of healthy consent culture. Consent culture emphasizes open communication, mutual respect, and clear boundaries in all relationships, encouraging people to freely discuss comfort levels and say "no" without justification. Consent culture is better than rape culture in many observable, documented facets of human relationships. No one owes anyone sex. No person should have complete dominion over another person’s body or relationships. That’s slavery, stalking, sexual abuse, and possessive behaviors unbecoming of a responsible adult in the 21st century.