Warmth Is Not Ownership
The online affectionate terms are playful and social, not automatically romantic when people use them for me. “Girlfriend,” for example, is meant non-romantically. Playful and social, as girlfriend can be used as the more literal “girl” and “friend” portmanteau.
Terms like boo, darling, princess, daughter, and honey can also be used playfully in my pronoun page. Maybe if someone continued to proclaim ownership over me in some way, that would be different, but most of those terms can be used without ill intent. The person using those terms for me can be playfully protective of me, but if they actually got possessive and started being rude to others over it then I’d have to draw the line.
@katsumi_maki
Words
Ways to refer to me
- girlfriend
- boo
- darling
- princess
- daughter
- honey
The difference between cute and romantic depends on intent and the prior established relationship with the person. If they are a close friend, they can call me just about every romantic term because at that point I know them well enough to know that they do not consider me a partner. I’ve likely told them about my lack of desire for a relationship, or at least my lack of attraction. We have a long-established social dynamic, and I would have already taken terms off the table when they say it and I realize it makes me go “ick.”
Through my own lens, these terms feel like they have been used without romance in mind for a while. I’m not 100% certain that this is true, but it seems a bit more typical for women to refer to other women or girls as these terms without being infantilizing or possessive. This is purely anecdotal, and some of these may be regional or internet-regional based on my frequented spaces of the internet, but they all show that the vibe of the terms that can be used, when feminine, are permissible and don’t feel like a claim on my person.
If I did feel the claim on my person in other ways, then I would bring up the subject to establish boundaries, or new ones, potentially more restrictive than my pronoun page if needed. I have discomfort with intimacy, yes, but I also have had enough inoffensive interactions with these terms to not immediately assume that we are miscommunicating when using them.
@katsumi_maki
A Virtual Girl.
Pronouns and words are separated between In-person, Online, or In-person/Online. In-person only infers that the term is not really for online (and vice-versa). Terms that are Okay are for terms you shouldn't go out of your way to refer to me with, but it's fine if you do by habit.
Avoid and Never are for words or conversation topics to either avoid (or approach with caution) or never talk about, respectively.
Age: 26
My local time is loading…
Simply that: I wish people understood that in all cases, me showing affection is not romantic, intimacy is not sexual, and me being playful is not consent. That’s just true for me as an asexual, aromantic individual. Asexual means I do not experience sexual attraction in the usual way; aromantic means I do not experience romantic attraction in the usual way. Aroace is shorthand for being both aromantic and asexual.