Pronouns and words are separated between In-person, Online, or In-person/Online. In-person only infers that the term is not really for online (and vice-versa). Terms that are Okay are for terms you shouldn't go out of your way to refer to me with, but it's fine if you do by habit.
Avoid and Never are for words or conversation topics to either avoid (or approach with caution) or never talk about, respectively.
Some labels are not warm, playful, or neutral to me. Boyfriend and husband are more declarative of ownership or relationship category, and also give off different vibes in person. Remember, girlfriend isn’t used in person for me.
The issue is gendered and ownership or relationship-category based. I also don’t think I fit either of those social roles. Prior relationships might have meant I was categorized as those roles, but my reflexive look at how I was in those relationships means that I don’t prefer to do that again. So I distance myself from those roles to give myself space from them.
Those terms feel both inaccurate and violating, specifically boyfriend and husband. For boyfriend or husband, it would have to be a more full repair because there’s some miscommunication there. Even if they hadn’t seen the pronoun page, I’d have to have a conversation about our intimacy levels.
Some group or relationship-structure terms work differently depending on severity. “Trio” can be used without intent, accidentally, and it doesn’t as fully convey the relationship status that I don’t want to perceive myself as being a part of. Triad, polycule, throuple, threesome, and honey in the middle all have one thing in common for me emotionally: they’re bad for me. The hard no around those group terms is about romance, sex, being assigned a role, being joked about, and being put into a dynamic without consent. All of it.
@katsumi_maki
Words
Group terms
…
trio
triad
gang
polycule
throuple
threesome
honey in the middle
@katsumi_maki
A Virtual Girl.
Pronouns and words are separated between In-person, Online, or In-person/Online. In-person only infers that the term is not really for online (and vice-versa). Terms that are Okay are for terms you shouldn't go out of your way to refer to me with, but it's fine if you do by habit.
Avoid and Never are for words or conversation topics to either avoid (or approach with caution) or never talk about, respectively.
For example, the terms that refer to polyamory will derail me. I’ll fixate on that term being used, and especially if I was included in that term, even just an avoid term rather than never, since the never ones are the worst, I will spiral mentally. “Trio” is technically a vanilla word, but the context I consider it, it still is edgy. It’s close to what I really can’t deal with, but not so direct that I would suffer mentally from it. I mean I still do get aftershocks of hearing that word in my mind, and I get intrusive thoughts that I’m always still learning to deal with, managing those afterthoughts, but it isn’t technically a word that is so firmly placed in polycules that I have to be worried about it. Basically, the effects of that word are able to diminish quicker because I can talk myself out of it or through the storm.
