The “Okay” category really is neutral. I won’t correct you because it is okay. I would just feel singled out if you started to use those terms for me on purpose, and that singling out is the issue, not the term itself.
Pronouns and words are separated between In-person, Online, or In-person/Online. In-person only infers that the term is not really for online (and vice-versa). Terms that are Okay are for terms you shouldn't go out of your way to refer to me with, but it's fine if you do by habit.
Avoid and Never are for words or conversation topics to either avoid (or approach with caution) or never talk about, respectively.
This is why they/them is okay but not preferred. I don’t feel like being singled out, so they/them shouldn’t be purposefully used on me because of my presentation. They/them is fine, just in the same way that he/him is fine. It’s something that people use by habit, at least in my spaces, so when directed at me, it is quite inoffensive. The only exception is the previously stated singling out, but the term itself is fine.
The same logic applies to some honorifics and casual terms. Since other people’s perception of “sir” may still be gendered, which is valid, I put it on the “okay if habit” list. It’s fine if anyone’s used to calling people sir and just goes for it when talking to me. I actually love hearing Sir in general (even not referring to me); it reminds me of Star Trek. They gender-neutralized the term. Maybe the military did that first? Either way, Sir is gender neutral in the Star Trek universe, and so when I hear it, I personally digest it as a neutral way to refer to me rather than a gendered way to refer to me. There are some big caveats about this honorific for gender-exclusionary practices, but all that my pronoun page is stating is that, for me, if you use it by habit, that’s fine.
Dude is also a local gender neutral term in my area. It’s used habitually for people of all genders, and I don’t mind it.
For more formal titles, male terms in person are fine. And for professor, it’s just my job. Students can call me that, though other people can too and I would understand. I don’t particularly see it as authority, but as a student I would exclusively call professors “Professor,” so I understand the shortcut since I was one who used it. “Prof.” just seems odd to hear in person. No real other reason; I’d still get it. It just seems like something to be written, so it’s set as online only.
I actively don’t require an honorific. I know people who do, or society deems it very acceptable for an honorific to always be there for someone, but I don’t need the formality. I won’t reject formality though, so I did list all the other terms too.
@katsumi_maki
Words
Honorifics
Mr.
Professor
Sir
[no honorific]
Mx.
Ms.
Ma’am
Madam
Princess
@katsumi_maki
A Virtual Girl.
Pronouns and words are separated between In-person, Online, or In-person/Online. In-person only infers that the term is not really for online (and vice-versa). Terms that are Okay are for terms you shouldn't go out of your way to refer to me with, but it's fine if you do by habit.
Avoid and Never are for words or conversation topics to either avoid (or approach with caution) or never talk about, respectively.
Group terms follow the same principle of context and inclusion. “Boys” in person and “girlies,” “ladies,” or “queens” online are just group term extensions of what I already wrote in ways to refer to me. I don’t mind being “one of the boys” in person or part of the “girlies,” “ladies,” or “queens” online. So in those cases it’s fine to use that and include me.
The group does not have to say “the boys and Dan” or “the queens and Katsumi Maki.” That being singled out is bothersome and I feel it. That’s one of the examples of ostracization, and (even if done in humor) is one of those micro-aggressions that might be done in queerphobic spaces (and transphobic spaces too, though I still don’t consider myself trans). One should always ask the person if they want to be included, perhaps adjusting the group label if the person they want to include doesn’t like the term “boys,” but the group could find more neutral ground without having to ostracize them with that addition afterwards.
In my locality, guys, folks, and besties are all gender neutral terms, across the board. Yes, I’m agender, so they aren’t exactly the affirming versions of dialog such as using it/its for me, but still gender neutral, frequent, and fine.
@katsumi_maki
Words
Group terms
boys
dudes
guys
folks
besties
girlies
ladies
queens
…
@katsumi_maki
A Virtual Girl.
Pronouns and words are separated between In-person, Online, or In-person/Online. In-person only infers that the term is not really for online (and vice-versa). Terms that are Okay are for terms you shouldn't go out of your way to refer to me with, but it's fine if you do by habit.
Avoid and Never are for words or conversation topics to either avoid (or approach with caution) or never talk about, respectively.
